


Alone

by alpr1816



Category: IT
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, First Relationship, Firsts, Fluff, High School, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Jealousy, M/M, Reddie, Slow Burn, Summer before Senior year, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, a little bit of, adding tags as I update, first fic, mentions of ben/bev, mentions of bill/bev, planning on happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-04-21 15:34:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22088107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alpr1816/pseuds/alpr1816
Summary: What is richie thinking? Boys as in friends. Connor. What about him? Everything. The curls the smile the pinky holding the lingering of stares. Fuck. Connor Bowers“..is cute.”UPDATE: WILL NOT CONTINUE
Relationships: Connor Bowers/Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 2
Kudos: 64





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic so im not sure how to do summaries. Just another angsty Richie Tozier fic move along

“Ben didn't want to come?” Beverly sat next to richie on the clubhouse floor. She looked around at the rest of the losers. “I feel like he's avoiding me since-“ 

“Since you started dating steve? Nah so not like ben.” Stanly sat on the other side of bev and rolled his eyes. Bev just frowned to herself. Richie didn't like steve either, none of them did. He was creepy for dating bev they just finished junior year, their relationship is barely legal. Eddie has a theory that bev only started dating steve to make bill jealous, but richie didn't believe it. Bev was strong but after bill broke up with her, something changed in her. She still hung around the losers as much as she could. But ben couldnt handle the steve situation. Always getting bev into bad situations it was hard to watch.

“S-so everyone knoh-ows how to do this?” Bill held up the little baggie and the lighter, trying to change the subject to why they all came here in the first place. Richie chuckled at bill’s concerned look on his face.

“Do you know how to do it, big bill?” Richie took the supplies from his hand and started loading it in the bottle. He demonstrated how it works and even held the lighter for bev and eddie because they were nervous. Once everyone went once richie blew out his second puff of smoke. “See? Not so bad.” He blasted a shit eating grin on his face, starting to feel the effects. 

He held out the bottle to bev but she passed it on to stan. “Im good for now.” She said with a smile. She got up and started looking at the records they kept in the clubhouse. 

Stan passed it to eddie, also skipping his second turn. “Put on something smooth, bevvie.” 

Eddie side eyed richie, “you mind?” He gave a small smile as richie moved closer to light for him again. Richie watched, a little too intensely, as eddie blew out the smoke and started coughing, handing the bottle to mike. Richie moved back to his place as bev started the music, trying to ignore the fact his chest was getting tight from watching eddie. 

Mike shimmied his shoulders to the music. “Hell yeah i love this one.” He said as he moves his head to the bottle and lit it. Richie also watched as mike blew out the smoke but it didn't make his chest get tight like it did with eddie. His mind wandered to Connor bowers as mike passed the bottle to bill again. He wondered what he was up to right now. How just earlier that day their hands lingered a little longer than boys hands should linger on each others. Richie laid on his back now arms under his head. He heard his friends voices around him but was wrapped up in his head, replaying the scene of connor wrapping his pinky around Richies as the played at the arcade, connor stared straight ahead as richie kept sneaking glances at him, trying to figure out why connor was doing that. I guess richie would never know. 

“Richie?” Stan kicked at his leg once again to get his friends attention. 

“Huh?” Richie sat up smiling. “Sorry whats ups?” 

Eddie rolled his eyes but giggled. “You brought any food? You were snack duty remember?” 

Richie Exaggerated pulling his collar. “Yikes guys…” The group groaned and some of them fake threw themselves on the ground. Richie laughed at the grouo and the rest joined in. “Im kidding!!!” Richie got up and while he walked to his backpack full of junk food he danced the the music. Bev got up and joined his awful dancing and grabbed what she was meant to bring, jugs of water. 

“Damn it richie i really thought you blew it like last time!” Eddie moved closer to richie as bev and him sat back in the circle.

“Never want to disappoint you like that again eds,” he softly smiled at eddie as eddie helped himself to the junk food in the bag. “I got your favorite too! Cheddar combos.” Richie looked at the bag with eddie and pulled out the combos.

Eddie rolled his eyes “you know i hate those things, all the fake cheese shit is horrible for you.” 

“Even high you are worried about what you put in your body eddie it’s incredible.” Mike moved closer to the bag. “Now move share with the rest of us.” Mike was smart and just dumped the bag in the middle of all of them. 

After an hour of munching and trying to see who can make the others laugh harder, the loser start to get tired. Bev kept dosing off on bills shoulder, which bill didn't seem to mind. Richie didn't know what to make of those two. They dated after bev moved back to derry with her aunt. Just one year to fall back in “love” and fall right back out of it for billy boy. Oh well, who needs girls when you have the boys. 

Wait.  
What is richie thinking? Boys as in friends. Connor. What about him? Everything. The curls the smile the pinky holding the lingering of stares. Fuck. Connor Bowers 

“..is cute.” 

“Huh?” Bill looked up from the comic he was staring at.

“What?” Richie rolled over to face bill.

“You said something.” Bev said sitting up and moving to lay on the floor next to richie.

Richie face got hot. “No.” He could feel how red it got. Was it getting hot in here? Whats wrong with him.

“You said someone was cute.” Bev had a cooing tone as she waved a finger in his face. “Who!”

“Trashmouth with a crush? Ha!” Mike wiped a fake tear from his face. “Doubt it.” 

Stan and eddie stayed silent. Stan kept drawing the same bird on the floor but listened. Eddie stopped whatever he was doing to looked ar richie. Richie couldnt tell what expression was on his face. 

“Yeah no uh,” richie sat up, suddenly fidgety. “No crush.” 

Everyone but eddie started to boo. “Ju-ust tell us rich we wan-won't make fun of you.”  
“Come on richie who is she! Is it Sherry in history? Shes really nice.”  
“Please don't let it be someone from chemistry they all smell.”  
“Stan what does that even mean?”  
“Connor bowers” richie said barely above a whisper. He can't keep things hidden from his friends. They've been through a lot together. Saved each other on multiple occasions. 

“...what about connor bowers.” Eddie said with a straight face. Or was there pain in there? Richie couldnt tell but couldnt look away from him. The boys kept their eyes locked. When eddie spoke the others payed attention again.

“Bowers?” Bill said more to himself. 

This time stan sat up straighter, eyebrows knitting together. “Richie?” 

Mike and bev stayed silent this time but bev sat up and moved closer to richie. Richie was digging his finger nails into his knees, trying to keep from crying. Richie does love attention but not like this. God this was the worst. Talking about his feelings, especially this one, he doesnt even know what this one was why would he tell his friends yet. God he was such an idiot. “I.. he…” richie dry swallowed, and this time not because of the weed. “Um.” Richie stood up breaking eye contact from eddie and started putting his shoes on. 

“Richie hey…” bev reached out to him but didn't know what to say or do so she brought her hand back to her side.

Richie could feel the tension in the air like a thick blanket suffocating him. He couldnt be here anymore. Suddenly, the clubhouse felt so small to him. All the eyes looking at him. At least ben wasnt here. One less set of eyes to judge him. Richie reached the ladder, no one protesting him to stay, no one stopping him. “I like.. Connor.” With no one reassuring him, richie climbed up and out of the ground. Feeling the fresh night air hit his face should have been a relief but richie didn't have time to enjoy it. He grabbed his bike and ran out of the mini forest, tears stinging his face.


	2. Chapter 2

Its been about a week since richie told the losers minus ben that he liked connor. Richie has been avoiding them all including connor, since then. Not knowing how the loser would react, not wanting to make it worse, richie figured if he could stay away awhile, the group would forget about it. He stayed away from connor because after confessing, it made it real. Connor was all he thought about now. When he gave that speech in English last year, richie was mesmerized. Thats when it started. They didn't talk much until this summer when the arcade opened up. Richie found himself fixing his hair in the window when he first saw connor in there. After that he made sure he had on better clothes. Clothes that connor might like. Once connor mentioned star wars, richie found himself wearing a star wars shirt in hopes they would run into each other at street fighter. Connor said his favorite color was green? Richie just happened to wear a green button up the next time they hung out at the arcade. 

Richie had a feeling connor caught on to this and would do things like that when richie would talk. Connor also would be the one lingering more on their secret handshake they made. Or when richie lost connor would pat richie on the back as a ‘good game’ gesture but it started turning into more of a rub on his lower back. Richie didn't mind, he didn't mind at. All. Infact he thought about those gestures too much alone at night. Eddie would creep into his mind once in awhile during those nights, which made richie feel dirty and gross because eddie was his best friend. A best friend that richie was avoiding..

“Richard! Your friend is here!” His father called up to richie in his room. Richie went to his window to see if he could see whose bike was outside. He let out a heavy sigh when he couldnt see a bike and pumped himself up before going to greet them.

“Hey, richie.” Bev smiled sweetly at him and gave him a little wave. 

“Sweetie why not come in? I was just about to make lunch if youd like to join?” Richies mom walked around the corner with an apron on. 

Lunch was more awkward for richie because he kept overthinking the whole time. Bev was great with parents and she seemed to be acting like normal bev. Richie just needed to calm down. After lunch they went outside to walked their bikes aimlessly down the street. 

Bev broke the silence first. “Richie why did you leave last Tuesday? It was dangerous, you were high.” She playfully punched his arm. “Don't do that again got it”

Richie rubbed his arm. “What are they saying about me?” Richie stopped walking and looked at her. “I wanted to give you guys time to think… i don't know about what but,” don't cry richie come on not here “i miss you guys. Do they hate? Do they think im disgusting? Sometimes i feel like it. I bet they're thinking about when we would have sleep overs” richie dropped his bike and put his hands in his hair. “Oh god” he groaned. 

Bev dropped her bike and held his arms gentle enough to be comforting but still holding tightly to shake him out of this. “richie please youre spirling you have to stop this.” Bev looked around as some little kids started staring at them. “Come on lets go to the barrens. Its quiet there.” 

As they walked to the barrens, bev caught him up on what was going on in the group, avoiding the topic of richies crush on connor. Smart. Apparently, bill has to wear a wrist brace for a few weeks. Mike and stan tease him saying its because he jerks off too much. Bill says its from his type writer. Richie chuckles and makes a mental note to be on mike and stans side. Beverly says her and steve havent been hanging out a lot this week, something about steve working late shifts. Richie doesnt believe that one second. How many hours would someone get at a bowling alley kitchen? He doesnt say anything to bev about this yet. He missed her company too much to ruin it for being snarky. On another note, since steve isnt around a lot ben has emerged from the library finally. Bev says he's been making blue prints of anything and everything that comes to his mind and spewing out random facts. I guess someone could only read so much about blueprint making. Eddie hasnt been around much either bev said. His mother claims he's sick so eddies been in his house. Bev mentioned that eddie hasnt been acting like himself so maybe he actually is sick this time. 

They make it to their regular spot and make themselves at home. Even sitting here with Beverly makes richie feel more at ease. I guess if they boys don't want him around anymore, he knows hell always have bev.

“Richie you should talk to the rest of the losers.” She lit a cigarette and handed richie one. “You won't hate what you hear. But im not here to talk for them. Im here for you.”

Richie took a drag from his cigarette and looked at her questionly. “For me what do you mean?”

“I want to make sure youre okay richie wow!” She chuckles. She really is beautiful. “Do you think id just abandon you? losers stick together remember?”

Richie lets out a breathe he didn't know he was holding and chuckled too. “I don't know bev its just… its hard. I don't really know anyone thats done this before! I don't know what to expect except for hatred ya know?” Richie took another huff and shook his head. “No i guess you wouldn't know but… i don't have a guidebook. Im just floating out here… alone.” 

“Youre not alone rich!” She moved closer to him and rest her head on his shoulder. “Youve never been alone.” She moves and hugs him. 

Richie tears up once again and hugs her back.

In the next hour, ben and mike show up. They were at the library together looking at old derry blueprints. Mike and ben both hug richie and tell him that nothing will be different. Ben even throws some Stonewall facts at richie while richie made a mental not to look up later this week. Next stan came and hugged richie too. He also yelled at him for running off that night high. Richie better start thinking what his actions does to his friends. Bill came two hours later with a bag filled with sodas and sandwiches. Bill smiled and nodded at richie which he guesses was aprovel? Richie shook it off when bill handed richie a ppj on wheat, eddies preferred sandwich. “I thought eddie was going to be here… if i knew youd be coming i wouldve made it on white.” 

While richie was sad eddie wasnt there, he still smiled and took it. “Its okay ill only eat half in case he shows.” 

He didn’t.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry i like connor a little

The next day richie decides to find connor. If he can face his friends he can face connor. He waited for about an hour before he felt ridiculous. Maybe richie shouldnt have worn this shirt. It was just his old Hawaiian shirt with a plain grey TSHIRT underneath. Why was richie waiting for him to show up? This is so pathetic. What did richie expect? That connor would be waiting around for him all this week? Fat chance. But what was with the back touching for? Just bros being bros? What does that even mean. Fuck this. Richie headed towards the door when he bumped into someone. “Shit! Sorry-“

“Well isnt it the loveable Trashmouth.” Connor steadied himself smiled at richie. He took a step back, not to attract attention from anyone. 

Richies face got a new shade of pink and shoved his hands in his pockets. Love able? Richie? “Using pet names already huh?” Richie chuckled nervously. And connor looked anywhere but richie. Smooth. “Uh yeah but anyway hey..” 

“Where you heading out already?” Connor moved toward the token machine, keeping his head down. God those curls drove richie wild. Or was he just jealous? Connor put in five dollars and waited for the tokens to come out.

“I was just going to get a drink but hey if you wanted to chill..?” Chill? Jesus why couldnt he think right around connor. He was gittery and dumb headed, more than usual eddie wouldve said - oh no not eddie not now. 

“Yeah i can chill.” Connor gave him a playful laugh. Oh great he's mocking him now. the boys moved over to street fighter, their go to starter game. Richie felt so close to him he could smell that connor smelled like camp fire and cologne. Richie would later think about this cologne all night while trying to sleep. After the second round of street fighter started connor said “I was waiting around like all week for you to show but you never did..” 

He was waiting for him? He stood around at the arcade just for richie? Richie froze for a second thinking of all the reasons why connor would do that when connors character got a good hit combo on richies and that drug him back to earth. “Shit!” Richies hands got sweaty as he tried to get his score back up and trying to think of something to say so he didn't seem weird. Why was it so hard to not be weird. 

Connor did a little jump when he won but then tried to collect himself awkwardly. “Sorry was that weird to say? I didn't mean it like uhm,” connor rubbed his hands together and seeing connor this way, nervous, made richie more calm. 

Richie smiled and shrugged his shoulders. “I was sick sorry i shouldve sent a post card.”

“Sick? In the summer? Thats doesnt happen.”

Richies mind drifted off to eddie who he was told was actually sick. Maybe richie should stop by and see him soon. “No… im pretty sure it does.” Richie changes the subject by holding up a token. “What game next its on me!” 

The two boys run around the small arcade trying to out beat each other. They noticed one of the games had a new high score that neither of them set so they spent the last few hours there trying to beat it. During this there was a lot of shoulder bumps, congratulatory back touches from both parties, and some more pinky holding. Each of these things made a fire in richies stomach but like in the best way possible. 

Now, Richie wasnt dumb. He has had the honor roll every year of school. He can pick things up quickly without really studying. So why didn't he understand connor? With every back touch there was also a snarky rather harsh comment on richies appearance. With every pinky hold connor wouldn't talk to richie which felt like isolation for an hour. It was too hot, then too cold. 

“Oh shit!” Connor looked around the arcade. “Everyone left.” Connor cracked his knuckles and looked at around the ceiling.

Richie followed mockingly to make fun of connor. “What are we looking for?” 

Connor smiled and turned back to richie. “Cameras…” connor stepped closer to richie. “Don't talk. If this isnt cool then… then just forget about okay?” Richie noticed the nervous quiver in connors voice as the boy walked closer to him. Richie couldnt bring himself to speak and just nodded his head yes. Before richie could even comprehend what was going on, it was over. Connor pulled his face back from richies. Niether of them moved. Neither of them spoke. Frozen at the thought of what the other might do.

“That was…” of course richie couldnt shut his mouth for longer than a minute. 

Connor backed up and faced the game again. “I said we don't have to talk-“ 

Richie brushed his hand against connors. Too afraid to fully hold it. “I liked it.” Richie whispered. 

Connor smiled to himself and used both hands to rub his face. When he took his hands away he looked different, angry? “I gotta go.” He looked around one more time before pecking richie on the lips again. No other contact but lips on lips just like the first one. “Don't tell anyone.” 

And just like that, richie was alone again.


	4. Chapter 4

Its been a week since that first kiss at the arcade. Richie would be there everyday since then, stopping by for an hour at a time looking for connor. He would see bill and ben there playing a few games so he would stick by them trying not to look desperate. Everytime the door would ding open richies head would whip to look if it was connor. It never was. 

“Rich? Whats wrong you keep looking at the door you ok?” Ben moves his head close to richie and whispers, “you arent seeing things again are you?”

Poor ben, still living his life in fear of that thing from a few summers ago. Richie put his arm around bens shoulders and directed him to face bills game again. “No haystack youd be the first to know alright?” 

“Then wa-why are yo-u looking at the door?” Bills eyebrows knitted together trying to concentrate on his game but also be the best friend he could be, god being bill must be exhausting. But richie can't tell them the real reason he was here, connor told him not to tell anyone. 

“Seeing if there are any hot girls walking in. Trying to find me some nice tail for the summer you know what i mean boys?” Richie laughed trying to be light hearted but bill and ben just glanced at richie with concern. Oh right, they know now. Richie takes his arm back from ben and clears his throat. “Im gonna head out. See if eddie is better yet.” Richie turned for the door.

What richie didn't see while his back was turned was the boys he was with make eye contact with each other panic in their eyes. “I wouldn't!” Ben spit out.

“What?” Richie looked at them again. “Come on its eds, he always wants to see my face! Ill bring him an icee or something.” Richie put his hands in his pocket to feel out the change he had.

Bills screen flashed GAME OVER while he spoke. “I… i th-ink it would b-ba-best it you didn't.” Ben glanced at bill.so richie wasnt the only one who picked up the emphasis of the word you. “He-s quarantined.” 

“Big bill youve become a bad liar you know that?” Richie can't help be realize now that he hasnt seen eddie in two weeks. The last night being the night in the clubhouse. “Oh… shit….” his eyes get more buggy with this realization. “Does eddie..?” Hate me? Richie can't stand. He needs to sit down now.

“Hey richie lets go get some ice cream? You can sit down?” Ben said with concern. He put up his arm to guide richie out of the arcade before there was a melt down.

“No i have to go.” Richie didn't think where he was running to, he just ran. How could his best friend hate him? How could richie let them not talk for two whole weeks? Connor. He was too focused on connor. Richie felt sick and puked in the nearest bush. Richie felt disgusting. Could eddie really hate him for this? When richie mentioned connors name that name eddie did have a weird face about the whole thing. Didn't richie expect this? He knew it was too good to be true. Not all his friends would accept him. No this is bullshit. Life isn’t fair. 

“Hey, fairy.” Richies body clenched. Not now not him not here. Richie felt like crying out at the universe for being so curl at this moment. “I found you at the right time.” When richie turned his head to look at Henry Bowers, he saw a blur of blonde curls right before getting punch in the face. 

“Come on henry, he wasnt doing any-“ richie could see but he could hear the slap from the ground. 

“Shut up why are you trying to protect this homo? You wanna end up like him?” Richie couldnt feel his glasses on his face. His eye was already swollen. How does that happen so fast? Richie tries to sit up but gets kicked in the stomach. “Stay down freak.” Richie heard the spitting sound before he felt it on his face. “Lets go connor. Can't stay around him too long or else youll get aids.” Richie opened his one good eye when the two boys walked in the way richie ran from. He could make out connor looking at him but with out his glasses he couldnt see the expression on his face. 

After a few minutes of realizing no one was coming to help him up, richie stood up and looked for his glasses. They were a little scratched up but not fully broken, can still see out of them. Richie let out a little sigh of relief last thing he needed was to get yelled at by his parents for another broken pair of glasses. 

Richie didn't think of anything on his way back to his house. His mind was blank he just felt the pain in his face and stomach. Once again, richie tozier was alone.


	5. Chapter 5

Richie walked numbly down familiar streets not making eye contact with anyone that passes him by. When he reaches the house land mark, he turns to walk in the grass to go to the backyard. He sees a bike propped up on the side of the house but it isnt his bike. Now focusing more clearly where he was, he realized he was at Eddies house. Of course he ended up here. Everytime Henry got a good lick on him, Richie would go to Eddies to get patched up. 

With a mental shrug, Richie headed to Eddies window. He climbs up the side of the house with ease like he was born to climb up to eddies window. Richie pondered over how gay that sounded. Once he made it up to the little roof landing he noticed the curtains were closed but if richie listened closely he could hear voices talking. Since he coulnt hear if that was Eddies mom, he decided to wait it out a few minutes. Richie sat on his best friends roof wishing for a cigarette. If he ever deserved a cigarette this would be the time. The person he likes is a boy and the boy he likes kissed him, twice. But then ditches him for a few days just to show up with Richies personal terrorist. The boy also watched as Richie got his ass handed to him. It couldve been worse but damn did it feel pathetic. Richie went to rub his eyes but had to stop because of the bruise forming. Tears were forming in his eyes when he heard movement in the house. Richie shook the bad thoughts out of his mind, preparing to see eddie. He shuffled back closer to the window to listen for the door to shut or any other sign of mrs kaspbrack leaving. Before Richie could knock on the window, the curtain was pulled back. He had to sturdy himself to not fall off the roof. 

There was a small gasp from the other side of the window. “Richie! What happened.” Richie looked at bev questioningly. He noticed she was holding a cigarette and a lighter. She opened the window when eddie popped his head out. “Get inside!” 

Richie climbed through and sat on the window seal with a sarcastic smile. “Hey guys whats up, was just in the neighborhood thought id pay Mrs Kaspbrack a visit, wrong window!” 

“Beep beep, Richie.” Eddie took off richies glasses and began examining his eye. Just like Eddie, even if the two didn't speak for weeks, Eddie would still be there to fix Richie up. 

“Was this Henry again? God doesnt he have anything better to do?” Bev sat on the roof now and lit her cigarette. 

Richie wasnt in the mood to talk about the Bower boys. “So eds… havent seen you in awhile…” he watched Eddie as he grabbed the medical cooler he keeps in his closet. Eddie stayed silent and pulled out disinfectant and bandaids. 

“My ice pack melted ill have to go get the one from the fridge.” Without saying anything else he got up and shut the door behind him. 

Richie crawled out onto the roof with bev. “Shes not home, thank god. You couldve came in the front door.” She offered richie a cigarette and he took one.

Not being able to hold back the emotion he had earlier, richie started tearing up again. “I freaked out and left ben and bill in the arcade. Henry and…” he didn't want to think of connor being there. Seeing him so pathetic. He probably still had puke around his mouth. How does Henry know? How does he know that richie is..

Bev put an arm around him. “Its ok Richie, let it out.” 

And he did. He just let the tears roll down his face silently. ”We kissed.” He gave a soft smile, remembering. “I mean it wasnt a movie kiss at all just small… he told me not to tell anyone. Then left.” Richie laid his head on Beverly's shoulder. 

“Im sorry richie. I can understand why he said that though. I mean look who is family is.”

Richie sat up and wiped the tears from his face. “I guess..!” He huffed with frustration. “The most pathetic part of this is that he saw henry punch me. He saw him spit on me and call me a fairy. I couldn’t do anything i was mortified that Connor.. saw me like that.” Richie looked at bev. Her face shown too many emotions at once. Anger, pity, sadness. Richie turned away. “And now this will probably be the last time i see Eddie. He hates me. I-“

“I don't have you, idiot.” Bev and richie turn in surprise. Both forgetting that this is Eddies house. Eddie had the ice pack in hand with his head out the window. “Do you know how germ ridden peoples mouths are?” Eddie bit his bottom lip and sat on the bed.

Bev looked at richie then back at the window and sighed. “I have to get going… steves wanted to take me out to eat.” She slipped back in the house and grabbed her bag.

Richie shut the window when he made it back in. “Stolen bowling alley food does not count as a date, Bev.” 

“Don't let him use the ‘i forgot my wallet’ shit again bev seriously.” Eddie chimed in.

Bev took a deep breath and then breathed out, calming herself, richie guessed. “Alright, bye.” And with that she left. 

With eddie on the bed, he held up the ice pack to Richie. “Listen Rich im sorry for not… i don't know talking to you i guess. I just didn't know what to say.”

Oh god here it comes. Richie almost forgot the reason why he freaked out and puked in the first place, why he wanted to come here and talk about. 

“We can just forget about it.” Richie blurted out. He used the ice pack on the side of his face. 

“No richie we can't just-we don't have to i-UGH” eddie flopped on his back. “Im fine with you liking boys.” He emphasized the word boys. “But i don't think im fine with you liking him.” He emphasized the word him. 

Why wouldn't eddie like connor? He wasnt mean to the losers. He was just the cousin of the towns spawn of satan. 

“Like,” eddie sat back up on the bed. “You just told bev he watched you get punched. I wouldve,” he shook his head. “Youre friends wouldve stuck up for you, punched him back!” 

“He did try to stop henry, he just ended up getting hit too. I couldnt ask him to stick up for me..” richie slid to the floor.

Eddie moved to sit in front of richie on the floor. “Richie what the actual fuck? Stop being so stupid. I can't believe you'd let that freak kiss you.” He huffed and crossed his arms on his chest. 

“Freak? Why is he such a freak eds?” Richie couldnt stand the way eddie was treating him. Why did he even care who he kissed? “because he kisses guys too?” Richie stood up anger rising in him.

“Oh my GOD rich-“ eddie stood up and walked to the other side of the bed. 

“Because news flash! So do i! And i have no one else in this fucking town like me but him!” 

“You could’ve talked to me about it..”

“When i did tell you, you were gone for two weeks.” Richie took the ice pack and tossed it on the bed. He shouldnt be this mad at eddie. In truth he didn't think about him all that much because connor was around. Maybe he shouldnt be so hard on him. But why didn't he hang out with everyone when richie was there? 

“Everyone else came and talked to me. Why didn't you?”

Eddie didn't look richie in the eyes, he just looked at the ground next to richie. Was he crying? “Get out.”

“Are you crying?” Richie spoke softer and took a step closer to eddie.

“Get. Out. Richie.” Eddie had a mixture of venom and sadness as he spat the words out. 

Richie stood there for a few moments until he was sure eddie wanted him out. “Okay.” He turned and opened the window and got out on the roof. Eddie sat on the bed closest to the window now. “Call me later if you can figure out why.” 

Eddie shut the window and closed the curtain. Richie sighed and climbed down the side of the house.

On the walk back to his house, richie had a massive headache he couldnt ignore any longer. That didn't stop him from thinking of how that conversation could have gone differently. Maybe if he just heard eddie out and not yelled at him… but what was he going to do? Let eddie just shit on connor for no reason? Eddie was right, richie wished connor wouldve stood up for him more but richie had to try and put himself in connors shoes. Eddie just didn't understand what it was like to live in Derry while liking guys. It was like mixing oil and water, richie was always going to feel like an outsider. 


End file.
